we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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