shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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