I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
