Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
