Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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