I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
