Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
