it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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