I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
