My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
