you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
