Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize