If that was your dad, he is hot
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
