Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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