Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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