I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
