you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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