check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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