opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
