I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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