Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
