No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
