Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
