Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
