Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
