i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
