She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize