i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
