My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
