There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
