If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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