awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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