I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
