We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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