At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
