I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
