I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
