i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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