The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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