Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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