I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
