please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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