New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
