FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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