I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
