I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
