Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
