some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
