Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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