dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
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I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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