I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
