So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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