I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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