help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dicks are not precious.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
