theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
