I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
