people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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