Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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