Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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