to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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