Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
