PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
