I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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