i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize