ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
