Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
