My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Gay?
German.
Pity.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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