It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
