I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
