you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
