would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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