if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
