We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
