It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize