I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I forget how to act sober
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
