i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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