wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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