Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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