Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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