There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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